To Mom(s)

Dear mama,

Indebted, blessed, grateful, humbled. These are a few words that come to mind when I think of the inspiring influence you have over me. Heavenly Father saw fit for our relationship to be mother-daughter. I am so grateful He blessed me with you.

I still remember when I was little and I would lay on your stomach while you would scratch my back every night before bed. I still remember when you had me put ketchup on my lima beans because for a crazy while ketchup made everything taste good. I still remember when I broke my arm riding a bike and you were so compassionate towards what I thought was a huge mistake. I still remember you calling me sweet pea every night before bed. I still remember you yelling at me through gritted teeth for being mean to Rachael. I still remember when you surprised Rachael and me with Grady, the best dog ever. I still remember seeing you in the stands at all of the football games.

All of these little moments over time have created an amazing relationship and wonderful example of motherhood. You are dedicated. You are kind. You are fierce. You are passionate. You are submissive. You are faithful. You are selfless. You love your family. You sacrifice daily. And most importantly you love the Lord.

I am so grateful for all of the skills, characteristics, principles, lessons and game show trivia you have taught me.

Thank you for signing me up for soccer, gymnastics and swimming. Thank you for forcing me to be in marching band. Thank you for going to all of my games and cheering me on. Thank you for reading to me. Thank you for serving others. Thank you for singing Journey in the car with me and helping me fall in love with 90's country. Thank you for working 3+ jobs as long as I can remember so that we didn’t go without. Thank you for loving dad no matter what and standing with us when even when it seemed impossible.

Thank you for exercising your God given gifts, found in the sacred calling of motherhood, and letting those shine through us.

To all the other moms out there who have done so much for me. Thank you. I promise it does not go unnoticed. I love yall and am so grateful for the sacrifices yall made for me as well.

I love you to the moon a million times over and I can’t wait to see you next month.

When you feel down read this to remind yourself how important you are and that you are needed.

Love,

Hannah

(FUN)k

Problem:

Stagnant. That is how I would describe the past month.

For the past 5ish years I have moved, packed up, changed schedules or jobs every 3-4 months. Presently, this is not the case for me and I am trying my best to be okay with growing in a different way. I have viewed this pattern of change as how I grow spiritually, mentally, physically etc. But now I am in one place. I have one job. I have one home. I have one circle of friends. It is pushing me to step outside my bounds voluntarily rather than by force of circumstance.

Routine:

I am falling into a routine of work until 5, running errands if needs be, going to the gym (climbing), coming home and cleaning up, and going to bed.This is so boring compared to what I was doing before! But I know this is what I need to be doing.

Question:

I always try to look at any given situation I am put in and ask the question: What am I supposed to be learning from this? And even though my job is repetitive, I am still learning and I am still growing. I would just say it is not as extreme as it was before.

Answer:

If you find yourself in this situation or you have been stuck longer than I have, I would challenge you to ask yourself the question from above. It motivates me, helps me find meaning, in even the smallest ways, and has me actively searching for the hand of the Lord in my life when I feel like He is slipping away.

Duh:

So basically you are only stagnant if you tell yourself you are. My best bet is that this is a simple fix you can make in every moment by just looking for the good. Find the fun in all the funk!

Confidence

I'm pretty sure it's no secret that I am confident in myself. I think most of my friends and family know this. What I think most people don’t know is how I got to where I am. I had plenty of trial and error over the years and there are a few principles and applications I discovered helped along the way:

1. Evaluate Your Core Beliefs

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am a daughter of God. I have a perfected and exalted Savior that loves me and died for me. I rely on these to conduct any other beliefs I have. I had to evaluate this all throughout middle school and high school. I was different and I hated it. I prayed, I read, I studied and I eventually came to trust myself in my differences and what that could truly mean for my potential.

2. Do Something You Fear

I was in college in desperate need of a job (still weird to say that as a pastime). I have a friend tell me about a group interview happening for the ropes course on campus. I went, got the job and had to start training. I am deathly scared of heights, the stomach drop when you fall, wind up high etc. So my boss tells me I can’t get certified to work unless I climb to the top of this 55’ tower. Thankfully, the desperation pushed me to the top, and a really long prayer they whole way up.

3 years later, I became the assistant manager, I was CPR and First Aid certified, I worked at the off campus ropes course, I did a giant swing, power pole, and zip line, I was an AFY counselor, I learned all about horses, I made a ton of friends, I learned how to drive a snowmobile, dance like a fool, cross country ski, and tie a ton of really cool knots.

I would not have had any of these skills or experiences had it not been for the one choice to go interview for something I fear. I overcame fears, anxieties, worries and built confidence all along the way.

3. Live in the Moment

I can still remember when I hugged my mom goodbye after she dropped me off at college, the first time I rode a horse running, the first time I got flipped country dancing, sitting on a rock by myself staring at the Teton range, speaking at the UN, sledding in complete darkness while it was snowing, and when I saw my best friend get married. One of the most beautiful things you can do in life is take a step back and take it in. The beauty not only comes from seeing and feeling but from the skill it takes to be able to do this consistently.

4. Document It

You only regret the pictures you didn’t take. First of all, I have been blessed with friends who are good at this and taught me what to do in front of a camera. I still stink at it, but they definitely help when I am feeling vulnerable.

Don’t be afraid to ask a random stranger to take your picture at a cool place! I try to do it wherever I go. Plenty of people have taken a picture of that mountain or beach but not many will get to take a picture of you being there! I think it is important to have this skill because later when you have kids they will want you in the picture not just taking it.

5. Talk to a Stranger

Yes. Embrace what is human nature. It is not as hard as you think to go up to someone and start a conversation. It is scary but will you die? No. You’ll either leave an impression, make a friend, learn something new, or just have a conversation. It can be hard to put down the phone and have face to face interaction but I promise it’s good for you.

I use to dread talking on the phone. I use to cringe introducing myself. And I use to hate talking in general. Now if you asked me, I could get up in church tomorrow and talk all 3 hours through all 3 classes about the Gospel. I only say I can do this, because I’ve practiced, and use a bit of self discipline and coercion to have the confidence I do.  

Take a chance on being uncomfortable. We all need to be more comfortable trying to be uncomfortable.

As my dad would say, moral of the story is, confidence can be beautiful, but it takes time! Practice it over and over and it will slowly contribute to a growth mindset that will lead to success in other areas of your life.

(If you want a good read, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck) Mindset is a topic for another day. Until then take a step and jump!

My #1 Stress

I’m going to talk about money. Because Lord knows, I know everything about it! Ha, back to the point- money scares me. It has for as long as I can remember. I felt like the only way to make it was to save it and hoard it until you had enough. This takes a lifetime, which destroys the point in the first place right?

Have you read the New Testament? So then you’ve read the parable of the talents. I am totally the guy that goes and buries it and shows the Lord, “Look I didn’t lose it!” While the Lord is thinking as he rolls His eyes at me, “Or use it, or help people with it, or multiply it in any way, shape or form.”

Not until recently, have I truly learned that you can work desperately hard, long and rough to hopefully have your money working for you. You have to have creativity, passion, drive, tenacity, mentors, and most importantly you have to know your spiritual gifts so that your money is working for a Godly cause. I have been blessed to meet people in my life, especially recently, who have figured out how to do this. After all, I am living in Park City! They have accomplished it, are in the process of it, or understand the dynamics they need to accomplish the lifestyle they want to lead.

Wherever you are in life, make sure that you find yourself on the spectrum of not being afraid of money. That is what I am trying and learning to do, and I know it will be quite the process but that is where faith comes into play. Use it, act on it, endure, and it will pay off. Pun intended.

Embrace It

Intimacy.

This word has some taboo persona attached to its coattails that I have never understood. The definition is close familiarity or friendship. With such a simple definition why do we feel the need to cringe when we hear it?

Our society has plenty of problems and I personally believe they all stem from the misunderstanding of this word both in thought and action. In dating and marriage it is assumed to be solely physical. This is where I think our viewpoints start to steer off the path. Intimacy has so much more depth and meaning if you take the time to treat it with respect in all of its facets.

For now I want to start with intimacy with yourself. Do you have a true friendship with yourself? If you don’t love yourself or even like yourself how do you expect someone to reciprocate? They cannot do the work of 2 people for you. You have to put in effort too. So why not start now? What are you thinking about when you look into the mirror? Are you comfortable going to a restaurant alone? Are you taking risks? Do you believe in your abilities? Let’s be real, I’m just writing this to prove that it is possible to believe in yourself and take risks. How do you build a friendship with yourself?

3 years ago I started going to the gym at 6am with a few friends as a new year’s resolution. It was awful. There is no other way to put it. I hated it. I would look in the mirror every morning and dread what I was about to go do. I looked at my friends and they were lifting more weight, enjoying themselves and loving themselves more. I felt like I was wasting my time. Then one day, over 3 months after starting, I looked in the mirror and smiled at myself. For the first time that year I recognized myself; I recognized my happiness and joy.

All I did was change my mindset. I developed a skill that helped me love myself. I stopped comparing myself to my friends and started comparing yesterday and today. I created a familiarity and a friendship to an activity, which in turn, helped me build a friendship with myself. This opened the doors for me to discover how to do this in more aspects of my life. With heaven as my witness, I still have a long ways to go. However, I would say that coming to understand this has helped me look outward, stay positive, have more compassion, develop a small amount of patience and do my best to love deeper.

Hence, a picture of me with no sleep, on a windy day, facing my fears, no makeup and a blistered nose. Embrace it.

New Year New Job New Home

I am overwhelmed. I am fearful. I am avoidant of possibilities. I am questioning all of my adapted philosophies on life and people.

I have been looking forward to 2017 since 2016 began. 2016 was rigorous, tight, near impossible and made me cry myself to sleep one too many times. Oh, but how great is the hand of the Lord in my life to help me learn why.

2017 can be described as a new home, new friends, new job, new town and comes with ample amounts of questions. I had no desires to live here but yet here I am loving how hard I have to work to learn. I was intimidated by my new job but I LOVE my relationship with my boss. Wisdom does not come with age, it comes with experience and choice and she is a prime example. I was worried that I would not fit expectations that the kids have of their teacher. Somehow here I am, being me, learning in the job and realizing that there is a reason Christ lists the attributes of a child as things that will be worth your while. They teach me, mold me, humble me, humor me and somehow through the tension I know they feel, they still love me.

Jagger is beautiful. Her spirit is designed to love and to be loved. That is all I have ever wanted out of life and here it is manifesting itself in the form of a fiery, sassy, confident, blonde blue-eyed 5 year old.

Weston is soulful. He is care free and works hard to make people smile and laugh. He can play the guitar and when he does he sings from his gut and heart because the passion is begging to show. He loves to read and understands his scriptures better that any child I know.

Boston wants to be accepted by everyone. He will work so hard in any capacity he can to please people. Whether is is figuring out a problem in math or dancing in the kitchen to Mulan and The Goofy Movie he will find a way to go the extra mile for others.

I love knowing that I can accept criticism and correction and be okay with it. I didn't even know I possessed that talent. It is definitely a new one. 2016 prepared me for 2017. I was consistently being humbled by the Lord's will for my life. I am so grateful he took the stubborn in me and beat it up a few times to take the pride out. It has made a world of difference.

At this point all I can say is bless my heart for taking this long to figure out some obvious flaws and bless my heart because now comes the task of refining them into strengths.

HRJ